Unlimited! Unlimited access to…Unlimited exposure of... Unlimited opportunities. I like to think that Unlimited provides an opportunity for deaf and disabled artists to access the funding, the venues, that for a long time were far from Unlimited – the limits did have bounds! I like to think that Unlimited provides exposure to deaf and disabled artists who for quite a while didn’t have the venue support or the platforms to present their work. I like to think that Unlimited provides an endless sea of opportunity particularly to those for whom those opportunities where limited.
Unlimited – What? What exactly am I doing here? What is it I have to say and how is it relevant to Unlimited.
I’m here because I’m Deaf. I’m here not just because I was the recipient of 2 very generous Unlimited funding awards – but rather, I’m here because I have an opportunity to talk, to share my experiences and to explain why I have chosen to ensure that I don’t limit my opportunities and describe why I do what I do.
I’m asking here; ‘To sign or not to sign’. This is not an easy question to ask myself – I’m deaf, sign language is my language, for all of us our own language is what helps identify us, it’s central to who we are – it is our identity, all our thoughts and experiences are shared and communicated through our language.
I make claims (sometimes) that I represent the deaf, my work gives the deaf a voice. I state that I aim to raise awareness of deaf through my work, to challenge perceptions of what deaf is…and yet – I choose not to sign.
As performers we have a unique opportunity to put ourselves on stage, bare our souls, show people who we are, share our thoughts our concerns, show pure and honest emotion – and yet I appear to deny myself the opportunity to do this using my first language – sign language!
I frequently ask myself why I don’t sign and there are other deaf who ask the same of me and I have had to remind myself and explain to others – why sign language is not my natural ‘theatrical language’.
Growing up and watching theatre – unable to hear the spoken word (stating the obvious!) – I learned to pick up on the visual, the expressions that spoke volumes and the movement and physicality that gave what I was watching meaning – this was theatre. An intention or a thought was seen rather than heard. Watching an interpreter at the side of the stage – I am doing just that – watching an interpreter! I therefore miss everything else that is theatre, sign language in that context is not the theatrical language.
The basic function of any language it seems, is to facilitate communication, this is the same of any theatrical language – to communicate. I want sign language to be that theatrical language – and there has been times it has been, but over the years I’ve witnessed sign language failing, purely because the audience watching didn’t understand the language, didn’t understand the sign.
Having participated in a number of international deaf theatre festivals, I have often found myself sitting in an audience completely confused and struggling to comprehend the story which is unfolding on stage. When a performance uses a native sign language – foreign to my own, I feel alienated and frustrated that I cannot understand. During moments like these, I forget any notion of the captive beauty of sign language as I become overwhelmed by the desire to just understand the narrative – what is being shared by the characters on stage.
Of course, one could argue that during such festivals it should be anticipated that a range of native sign language from various countries will be on stage. However, for many deaf theatre companies such festivals and international tours make up a large proportion of their performance calendar – and I wonder how much of their performance is accessible to the deaf communities from other countries.
My simplistic logic is; why perform on an international or any stage if you are not going to be understood, theatre is about communication and that communication is most effective when people understand it. I’m not ignoring the idea of theatre as self-expression but do we not owe it to ourselves to ensure what we are expressing is understood!
I have experienced frustration and disappointment on numerous occasions when ‘hearing’ haven’t understood that they can communicate with me. One such occasion happened in Singapore – a theatre director (The God of theatre in Singapore) had seen one of my earlier performances and had waited to speak to me at the end – he explained how he loved watching me and that he really wanted to work with me. He never did work with me, he didn’t know what to do with me, he assumed we wouldn’t find a common theatrical language. I think if hearing actors and directors are honest with themselves and they haven’t experienced working with a deaf person – they will admit like this ‘theatre God’ admitted, they don’t know what to do with ‘US’!
Over the years I’ve been clear when asked about what my aim is, my mission! It is to continually extend my visual theatrical vocabulary. Describing my work as visual, with a visual vocabulary more people understand the vocabulary is one that is shared. Indeed, in the development stages of my work we talk about finding the language, finding the vocabulary and the collaborators and myself work together to find it.
I don’t want to sound arrogant – and I hope I don’t, but by collaborating with others to find a shared language, I am representing the deaf, I am saying we can work with others, that deaf do not have to feel forced into insular working practices.
My work continually changes, evolves - working with the various collaborators the visual theatrical language develops for each piece of work.
I don’t think deaf should abandon their true voice – their first language of sign language – I would never advocate the abandonment of sign language.
I look to a future where sign language is part of a shared theatrical vocabulary and that will only happen with more deaf voices on stage, sign language being ‘common place’ within the theatre environment. I genuinely cringe at reactions to sign on stage by people who don’t understand what has been said, it feels patronizing when they say – it’s beautiful – how do they know! Surely the beauty is in how eloquently or honestly a meaning / intention / emotion has been communicated and not because something ‘looks nice’.
The future I feel requires questions and discussion and hopefully action:
How do we get to a place where deaf and hearing first language share a stage, where there is a shared understanding of what is being expressed, felt and communicated?
Ramesh Meyyappan will be speaking as part of What is Unlimited? conversations on Sunday 18 September 2016 and will be offering a workshop Talking Visually as part of the What Do You Do? programme.